Welcome to the Blogosphere

Just wanted to give a quick shout out to my boy Sammy "Trash" Akkoush, who has started a new blog with the sisters Akkoush. His thoughts on the first Real World Reunion episode are priceless. I look forward to more from him.

As for the show, wow, it's awful. The only reason I've even kept up with it through the first half hour is so I can relate to Sammy's musings. The hypocrisy of these people, especially Arissa, is mind-numbingly stupid. If you didnt want to rehash these supposedly horrible memories, then don't come back on the show. She's totally going to be the wet blanket on this episode...good call Sammy.

But I have to disagree with his sentiment on Frank. He's the man, and he can drunkenly screw around with anyone he wants. He's in Vegas, there are no rules.

I've spent way too much time discussing Real World Vegas: Part Deux. Next up, some Sopranos talk during the Sopranos bye week.

Top 5 Breakfast Cereals

Not TV related, but I'm taking a cue from the D.C. Sports Bog here, who asked DC United player Bobby Boswell about his cereal love, and what his top five cereals were. From the post:

See, when Boswell lived with his parents, he would go to the grocery store and buy literally 10 boxes of cereal at a time. (He really likes cereal.) Then
he moved out, and discovered that cereal was expensive. Thus, he had to be a bit
picky to avoid bankrupting himself on cereal, and he came up with his Top Five,
and when he went to the grocery store he would limit himself to the names on
that list.

His list, in no particular order:

• Cinnamon Toast Crunch
• Trix
• Honey Nut Cheerios
• Honey Smacks
• Honey-Comb

I also take my cereal very seriously, as underlined by my reaction to Jared's recent egregious error in buying Kix, as if that were a cereal that anyone would actually want to eat. And Boswell's right, cereal IS expensive. So my buying habits are usually dictated by what is on sale.

But if I had my druthers, here are my top 5 cereals, also in no particular order.

• Special K (For when I have fresh berries and feel healthy)
• Sugar Golden Crisp (much better than Honey Smacks)
• Capn Crunch (Beware of the Soggies)
• Apple Jacks (One of my 5-Fruits-a-Day)
• Crispix (See Special-K)

Honorable Mention: Honeycomb, Frosted Mini-Wheats (gets soggy too easily), Lucky Charms, Frosted Krispies.

What're your top 5?

Updated Soprano Thoughts -- Vol I, Post ii

A few straggling thoughts that I forgot to include in the earlier post.

• I've found it interesting in how Tony and AJ respond to their respective psychiatrists. Tony never tells the full truth to Dr. Melfi, sometimes even lying to himself and to her to avoid tackling the real issues. It's readily apparent, however, that AJ is an open book and told his psych all about his problems. Ironically, neither of them seem to have been helped by their "terapy".
• I agree with Tony Soprano that AJ was too pathetic and incompetent to pull of his own suicide.
• Maybe I was wrong about the whole jihadist thing. Slate's Tim Noah sees a possible connection, and my friend Seth also thinks that the al-Jazeera Web site could go somewhere. I'm still not convinced. I think the AJ plot line is done for the season, with him remaining in the hospital under observation as the show closes out. I can't figure out what the point is of the two terrorists...but we'll see.
• Annie and I both want to know, "WHERE IS ARTIE BUCCO????"
• Since this is somewhat mob related, this YouTube mashup of the Godfather IV: Fredo's Revenge is brilliant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dtf_Gxy9ZRY&eurl=

How to Clean (Practically) Anything - Sopranos Thoughts, Vol I

I want to throw these thoughts down now, so I can continue to read Slate's brilliant analysis and skim and get frustrated by inane commentary from the likes of David Poland and Jonah Goldberg. Both need to step out of their usual boundaries and forget making bizarre connections to their day-jobs. Tony and Christopher were like Eisner and Ovitz? Whaaa? A.J. as an Islamic jihadist? Seriously??

Instead of long-form analysis, I think I'm just going to go bullet points from here on out.

• Am I the only one who thought that A.J. was going to die for sure? After last week's offing, I figured that it was only a matter of time before someone else prominent died in the show. The suicide scene was really rough to watch...absolutely brutal.
• On a similar note, Robert Iler has been phenomenal this season. Absolutely brilliant in showing how A.J. has matured...and not matured, in still throwing out random factoids that disturb his world view, just as he always has. If the Emmys meant anything, I would jump on his lobbying campaign in an instant.
• I hope that smarter people than I, (Tim Noah, please?) give me some reasoned an indepth analysis of the significance of The Second Coming. Annie Shuppy, my Sopranos enabler, raises a good point: Will Yeats poems jump up the Amazon charts thanks to A.J.?
• And if Yeats poems don't...will How to Clean Practically Anything make it?
• Carmela Soprano is really losing it. She's turned into Laura Linney's character from the Truman Show, where she turns into total housewife mode and shuts down mentally, hoping to brush the problem under the carpet. From her reaction to the Vegas watch to the scene where she blamed Tony for A.J.'s problems, I can see her cracking under the pressure in the next two episodes.

Speaking of which...

• We are clearly headed for a Phil/Tony showdown to end the show. I am still backing the "Tony is Michael Corleon at the end of Godfather I" scenario, where he has Phil and his crew killed, and Carmine Jr. brings the family under Tony's thumb.
• BUt Tony is also going to have to clear ranks in his own family...and I mean literally. There was some discussion this morning on Tony Kornheiser's show about why Phil was hiding upstairs, and why he suddenly backed out of their meeting. That led me to believe that one of Tony's capos is double-dealing, a la Paulie with Johnny Sack.
• It's not Paulie Walnuts this time...it's Bobby Bacala. With Janice's urging, he's letting Phil in on the scoop. Tony is going to have to kill Bobby...and perhaps Janice...to get them out of the problem. Some of Tony's guys may have to die too...perhaps Paulie or Patsy?
• This is all idle speculation, but you can read more thoughts if you want at another guy who's opinion I really respect: Creed Bratton.

Upfronts: The CW...not appealing to anyone

For the last of the upfront preview/reviews, we go to everyone's favorite network to ignore: The CW. And now that they've dropped Veronica Mars for what appears to be a slate filled with replacements that lack any ingenuity, I don't know if any serious TV watchers will even give the network a shot.

But I'm not serious, so let's give it a go. 8 new programs.

SHOW 1: Aliens in America
Guess: An absurd and tasteless comedy set in a 1980s Midwest suburb where a nerdy red-head and his Muslim friend deal with puberty in supposedly farcical manners. A total Malcom-in-the-Middle rip-off.
Actual: "Sixteen-year-old Justin Tolchuk is just another awkward teen trying to keep a low profile when his mother decides to take in a foreign exchange student. When Raja Musharaff, a Pakistani Muslim, arrives, he and Justin find common ground in trying to survive high school in America."
Verdict: Pretty close…although I got the time wrong. I'm exceptionally skeptical, since terrorist jokes are only funny if they are done well, or if done by members from the Axis of Evil. None of the above exist for the CW.

SHOW 2: CW Now
Guess: No picture.
Actual: Series stays on top of the latest trends in fashion, technology and activities as well as the gossip on celebrities.
Verdict: If Billy Bush isn't reporting it, then it didn't happen.

SHOW 3: Gossip Girl
Guess: Rich, spoiled high school students have lots of sex while lying, cheating, and stealing from each other. Like the O.C. but for kids from New England.
Actual: "Based on the books of the same name that revolve around the lives of privileged Manhattan prep school teens whose scandalous lives are revealed online by the mysterious blogger known only as Gossip Girl."
Verdict: School girl outfits aside, this actually is from the people who did the O.C., so expect blatant self-plagiarism.

SHOW 4: Life is Wild
Guess: Another family drama about an overbearing father, a rebellious son, a slutty daughter…and the wise old grandpa. The setting is….a former ghost town in Colorado? Are they going to be the first residents of Kid Nation(link)?
Actual: A veterinarian moves his entire family to live in a game preserve in South Africa. As the family struggles to adjust to life away from the Big Apple, they learn to appreciate the friendly locals, the breathtaking vistas and the wild animals that surround them.
Verdict: OHH. South Africa. I totally forgot that television programs can exist outside of the United States. The "friendly locals"? That's just asking for racial stereotypes.

SHOW 5: Online Nation
Guess: No picture.
Actual: The web's viral videos are featured weekly.
Verdict: As Ian said when we discussed this yesterday: "It's like America's Funniest Home Videos, but even worse, somehow." I just wish there was some massive Web site where we could watch viral videos in one place, whenever we want to watch them instead of waiting for a weekly TV program to air.

SHOW 6: Reaper
Guess: A sit-com set between three employees at a home furnishings store (think Bed, Bath, & Beyond); one down-on-his luck writer resigned to work in retail, his girlfriend, and his high school friend who has no ambition as plucky relief. The vice president from last season's 24 is their manager.
Actual: Sam's parents never asked much of him, allowing him to become the best slacker he could be. It turns out, they didn't expect any future for him because they had already sold his soul to the devil, who wants Sam as his new bounty hunter.
Verdict: Wait. What?? They're stealing from FAUST…and this is the best they could come up with? Just rent Damn Yankees, its better, and it features the Washington Senators/Nationals.

SHOW 7: Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants
Guess: No picture.
Actual: Mother/daughter pairs from all walks of life will compete in a beauty pageant to showcase their teamwork, sense of style, stance on issues, dance coordination and sense of humor.
Verdict: They cancelled Veronica Mars, a show I never even appreciated that much, for this??

SHOW 8: Farmer Wants a Wife
Guess: No picture.
Actual: Premise: A rural farmer evaluates 10 city gals to see if one will fit into his country lifestyle as his wife.
Verdict: Well, no awards for subtlety to the title of the show. But see above regarding my true thoughts.

The one where Brian gets nothing right...

Two days in a row? It's a new record! Anyway, under the same premise as yesterday, here are the 10 (!) new FOX shows:

SHOW 1: Back to You
Guess: Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton play a pair of newscasters with an on-again-off-again relationship on a fledgling network that will do anything to get a bump in ratings.
Actual: "After an embarrassing incident, a big city news anchor has to head back to his old market, where he has to re-team with his former co-anchor, who also happens to be his ex."
Verdict: This was an easy one to predict, but as to the actual prospects: Grammer is paired back up again with Christopher Lloyd (no, not that one) who was his producer on Frasier. But FOX has never done the traditional sit-com justice, so I can't see it working here.

SHOW 2: K-ville
Guess: A group of bad-ass cops seek to restore order in South Central Los Angeles, forgoing official protocol and pissing off the press in the meanwhile.
Actual: "Two years after Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans is far from rebuilt, a city full of criminals with an under-manned and unprepared police force. Two partners patrol the streets of the Big Easy, doing their part to save the city."
Verdict: Not a great prediction. But what a cast! TV has-beens, from the ominous presence of John Carroll Lynch, to Jared's favorite actor, Anthony Anderson…how could this show succeed?

SHOW 3: Kitchen Nightmares
Guess: No picture
Actual premise: Gordon Ramsey travels the country visiting restaurants in crisis and helping them get their kitchens back in order.
Verdict: Even for someone who loves the Food Network: Yawn.

SHOW 4: Nashville
Guess: No picture
Actual premise: The folks who brought you "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County" take you to a different part of the country for a whole new set of soapy unscripted adventures, this time focusing on the Nashville music scene and the city's high society.
Verdict: Um, you had me at "Laguna Beach." Sign me up.

Show 5: New Amsterdam
Guess: Not-Aaron-Eckhart stars as a New York City police detective bent on protecting young girls from sex offenders.
Actual: "John Amsterdam in the 17th century and served as a Dutch solider in the colony of New Amsterdam. That makes it really strange that in 2007, he's still working as a New York City homicide detective. Funny what a little immortality will do."
Verdict: WTF? Really? An immortal police detective who doesn't age? Don't you think someone would notice that this premise is absurd and WAY too high-concept for FOX?

Show 6: The Search for the Next Great American Band
Guess: No picture
Actual: "Instead of looking for undiscovered singers, the producers of "American Idol" seek out undiscovered bands. Everything else is the same."
Verdict: That last sentence pretty much says it all.

Show 7: Canterbury's Law
Guess: No picture
Actual: "A rebellious female defense attorney, in a strained marriage to a law professor, is willing to do whatever it takes to protect the wrongfully accused."
Verdict: Obscure literary reference? Check. Conventional law drama? Check. Midseason replacement to be endlessly plugged during the NFL playoffs? Check. Gone in 5 eps or less? Check.

Show 8: The Return of Jezebel James
Guess: PARKER POSEY!!!! And Lauren Ambrose to boot! After the death of their mother, an attractive young red-head goes and lives with her older, more mature, and attractive older sister and the two cope as working ladies in San Francisco.
Actual: "A busy book editor has to turn to her estranged younger sister to carry her baby."
Verdict: Closest I've been in a while. Um, did I mention that it has Parker Posey in it? She follows the Jodie Foster Corollary: She does not make bad movies/shows.

Show 9: The Rules for Starting Over
Guess: A young couple moves to the suburbs for a place of their own, but end up sharing their house with their two wacky neighbors, one of whom always wears a tie.
Actual: "A group of newly single friends learn that dating in your 30s is very different from dating in your 20s."
Verdict: So if Rashida Jones is on this show….how could she possibly be on The Office for Season 4? Either way, the cast includes "Johnny Sneed." That has to be a made up name, kind of like Alan Smithee.

Show 10: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Guess: This is a real toughie, but I'm going with a teacher of indiscriminate sexuality takes in a young ruffian student as hisher new protégé. They may or may not have a romantic connection.
Actual: Boy was I wrong. "Filling in the gaps between the second and third "Terminator" films, Sarah Connor and her son John, humanity's future savior, must fight to stay alive in a dangerous world full of threats both from the present and the future."
Verdict: Clearly, if I had read the title of the series, I'd have known what was going on. I actually have high hopes for this, and I haven’t even seen any of the Terminator films. It just sounds like it could be fun.

Stay tuned for later CW updates.

The Return of the Teev: CBS Upfronts

The Teev is back. I've been missing the television writing for a while, so why not jump in with the upfronts happening this week. I'll be trying to update the blog at least 3-4 times a week from now on.

Yesterday, I caught up on the NBC/ABC schedules for next season and discovered a thoroughly enjoyable game. Look at the promotion photo, ignore the show's title, guess the premise of the show. Unsurprisingly, the success rate is rather high. So now, for you, my guesses for the new CBS lineup. Because CBS is the most successful network, however, they are only premiering 6 new shows, as opposed to NBC's 8 and ABC's 12.

SHOW 1: BIG BANG THEORY
Guess: 2 geeky college friends are looking for a third roommate and a hot ditzy blonde moves in; the two friends battle over her love in a typical New York City romance.
Actual: "Two geniuses get lucky when a beautiful young woman moves in next door and decides to teach them a few things about the world outside of physics."
Verdict: Spot on.

SHOW 2: CANE
Guess: Jimmy Smits plays the mayor of a small sailing town in California, and must deal with his teenage daughter's love life and the volatile politics of small-town America.
Actual: "A South Florida family runs their successful rum and sugar business while dealing with both professional and personal turmoil."
Verdict: Not very good…I picked the wrong state for a leading Hispanic male actor.

SHOW 3: KID NATION
Guess: This show already looks dreadful. A group of children who live with their divorced parents in the suburbs band together to prevent their enemies in the world, the principal and the big bully down the street, from ruining their friendship.
Actual: "Forty kids between the ages of 8 and 15 are given 40 days to build a new community -- complete with their own cooking, businesses and government -- in the ghost town of Bonanza City, New Mexico."
Verdict: Dammit, I didn't realize this was going to be a reality show. I forgot those are in the mix here, and I totally would have gone a different route. Wrong again.

SHOW 4: MOONLIGHT
Guess: An up-and-coming private attorney in New York decides that money isn't everything and chooses to devote his life to helping out the homeless.
Actual: "A vampire for 60 years, Mick St. James works as a private investigator, dealing with the difficulties of immortality, a slew of undead adversaries and his love for a mortal woman."
Verdict: Shoot. Didn't see that one coming. Mick St. James is a typical bad name for a show like this, though.

SHOW 5: VIVA LAUGHLIN
No picture. Drat. Some dramedusical bastardization produced by Hugh Jackman and set in Las Vegas. Sounds too high-concept to me.

SHOW 6: SWINGTOWN
Guess: A period-series based in the 1970s about a factory-worker dad and how he copes with the changing times.
Actual: "Residents of a Chicago suburb in the '70s are into couple swapping, open marriages and key parties, but they soon come to realize that their alternative lifestyle comes with its own complications."
Verdict: I got the era right, and the whole "changing times" thing. Will a show about swingers really be successful? I'm skeptical.

Finale Results: I was terrible this time around. Do any of these shows look appealing to you? If the Jimmy Smits show enters Scarface territory, being dark and twisted, I could see that being good. I do love my rum. Otherwise, CBS should just stick to its predictable procedural dramas and unfortunately popular sit-coms.